When the hiring manager messages you to invite you to a video call, you’re thrilled—this must be the offer, you think, or at least a step closer to one. You clear your afternoon, make yourself and your space look presentable, and eagerly log into Zoom … only to discover you’ve taken all this trouble just so the hiring manager can reject you on live video. Now you’ve got to process the bad news while simultaneously controlling your face and your tone and ensuring you sound professional—the whole time wondering, Why wasn’t this an email?
Why indeed. No one likes being rejected for a job, no matter what form it comes in, but turning down candidates on live video is a spectacularly bad idea that’s inexplicably gaining in popularity—at least according to the letters flooding my inbox.
Although live video rejections might sound like a deliberate act of cruelty, they’re not intended to be. Instead, some hiring managers genuinely believe that rejecting candidates on a video call is more polite, even more thoughtful. Here’s what one interviewer wrote to me about the practice:
We do it as a matter of policy. If you make it to the final interview stage, HR wants us to reject people by Zoom or at least over the phone. They say it’s kinder and doesn’t feel as impersonal after people have invested their time interviewing with us. Supposedly we owe them the courtesy of a real conversation. But every time I’ve done it, the person sounds crushed. It’s horrible.
One job seeker who experienced this modern form of torture said this about it:
I tried not to get too emotionally attached to this position, but the truth is I really, really wanted this job. … Finally, I received a video meeting invite from the hiring manager. The meeting was titled “quick touch-base” with no agenda attached and was scheduled for 15 minutes at the very end of a long day. Since I had no idea what to expect, I dressed in a full suit, made sure my hair and makeup were on point, and reviewed the job description, my résumé, and cover letter again. When we got on camera, the hiring manager said they had some disappointing news. They moved forward with another candidate. They were very impressed with my skill set and a generic email from HR seemed too impersonal, so they wanted to tell me personally and directly.
I sat there semi-dumbfounded, in a full suit, feeling like an idiot with little to say. It felt extremely awkward. I had no room to emote in that moment and no time to process. I kept a smile plastered on my face and just said, “Thanks for the opportunity, if you ever have a position that matches, please reach out to me.”
It was bizarre and made the rejection that much more painful. I was sort of shocked that someone would schedule a video call to tell me this. … Instead of feeling kind, it felt very cruel. I went through the trouble of getting myself together for a video chat that ended up being maybe five minutes long. I understand not wanting to come across as impersonal, but it made me feel put on the spot.
That wasn’t an aberration, as these additional victims of the practice attest:
“I had this exact thing happen to me in February. Had a video call scheduled to be told that I was a great candidate but they went with someone with more experience, and then the hiring manager offered to help with any connections that he could. While I appreciate his offer of connections, it still really really sucked to have to do this all over video call (and then the one connection fizzled out anyway). Plus, with an email I can always look back at it when I’m ready, while my mindset immediately after a rejection call is one of frustration and not useful.”
“This happened to me last year, for an internal role. I was excited when I got the Zoom meeting invite, and then felt crushed and struggled to keep it together when I was told that I didn’t get the role. I later gave the hiring manager the feedback to please stop and think about what meetings need a Zoom call and what should be a phone call. I think a lot of people have gotten into the habit of making everything a Zoom meeting and they don’t stop to think. If this was a pre-COVID world, they would have called to give the rejection, and the same applies now.”
“I’d reached the final interview stage for a corporate job with the company I worked for as retail staff at the time, and received an out-of-the-blue meeting request on Teams from the hiring manager around when they’d said to anticipate a decision. … Everyone I talked to was convinced that a meeting request was the same as a thick envelope from a college—if it was a rejection, he would have just emailed me! It was a 30-minute call to tell me that I had been the second-best candidate but they went with one with ‘more recent experience,’ and that I ’should feel free to apply again if another opportunity opened up!’ I had to sit there trying to breathe through the absolute whiplash of logging onto a call expecting great news and instead getting told that I just wasn’t quite good enough.”
Rejections over the phone aren’t much better. They at least don’t require candidates to get dressed up or to worry about controlling their facial expressions, but otherwise they share the same problems as video rejections:
With a phone call, your mind’s automatically going, Oh! They wouldn’t call unless it was good news, right? and then you answer the phone and it’s “Sorry, we went with someone else.” That’s a blow. And then you have to do the bright-and-breezy “Oh, that’s no problem! Thank you for letting me know!” thing while trying to hide your disappointment. With an email, at least you can read it in your own time, you can do a bit of a swear and go and make yourself a cup of coffee and not have to worry about having to hide your initial reaction.
Expecting candidates to remain in Professional Mode while experiencing what might be extreme disappointment is unkind. And really, rejections don’t need to be personal! Plenty of people find rejection easier to swallow when it’s a bit impersonal.
Of course, things could get even worse. This person was invited to visit the employer’s office, only to be rejected in person once they got there:
I once took a half day off work, paid bridge tolls and parking fees, and got a nice face-to-face with the top person who told me how much she respected me for being a strong candidate and scoring No. 1 on the recruitment list, but they’d decided to impose a citywide hiring freeze instead, thank you, goodbye. I’d certainly have preferred a short, courteous letter. Sure, the recruitment process had lasted months and involved tests and meetings and interviews, but I didn’t need the “respect” of a face-to-face encounter.
Hiring managers who want to make rejections feel less impersonal can do it by sharing the news in an email initially and then offering a phone call for feedback if the person wants one, if that’s something they’re willing to provide. Blindsiding them with the news in real time where they’ll need to respond in the moment isn’t respectful or kind, no matter how it’s intended. If anything is the epitome of “could have been an email,” it’s this.
