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Dear Care and Feeding,
My father’s a jeweler, and for my 18th birthday he made me this really nice demiparure— earrings and necklace. It’s made of electrum, and has a pretty big inset stone in each individual piece. The ensemble is gorgeous, and something about the way the light catches makes the stones seem more like they’re glowing than they’re reflecting light. The thing is, while the jewelry is beautiful, it’s also all wrong for me. This is the sort of stuff that would be more at home in a display case in a museum. If it were to be worn, it’s the sort of thing I might put on for a super-fancy wedding, maybe. I’m a first-year college student, and my usual outfit is ripped jeans and a tight shirt. My hangouts are dimly lit music venues and dorm rooms. I’d look completely out of place wearing this necklace and earrings, and I’d be super worried about them being lost or stolen. So while I did take them with me to college, the first time I went home (for Thanksgiving), I took them back and left them in my room. I knew they would be safer there.
Well, recently I decided to stay on campus over the summer—I’ve found a job here and I’m really liking my university—so Mom and Dad decided I didn’t need my room at home anymore and started cleaning things up and moving my stuff elsewhere to store so that my old room can be their library. That’s when Dad found that I had left the demiparure behind. He called me about it, and seemed really broken up that I didn’t like it.
I tried to reassure him. I do like it, I said, and I’m not abandoning it or ashamed of it, I just don’t have a use for it right now and I feel safer with it at home than with me on campus. This didn’t seem to convince him. He’s always put his heart into his work and I can’t help feeling that he thinks I’m turning my back on him, especially coupled with how I’ve just sort of flown the coop. Can you give me some kind of script so he knows I’m not rejecting him, I’m just keeping the demiparure in a place I trust until I’m ready to wear it?
—Looking for the Right Words
Dear Right Words,
First of all, thank you for teaching me two new words. I had never heard the term demiparure before, nor had I ever heard of the alloy electrum. It fills me with joy to learn the words for things, even when they’re things I didn’t know existed.
As to the words you’re seeking: It would seem that you’ve already used all the right ones, but perhaps without enough emphasis to convince your dad that you really mean what you say.—which, honestly, makes me wonder if you do. But taking what you’ve said at face value, I’ll note that it shouldn’t be that hard to convince Dad that you didn’t leave your jewels at home because you don’t like them, that in fact you love and admire this extraordinary gift, you’re moved by the gesture and appreciate it from the bottom of your heart, and you mean to wear your fabulous demiparure as soon as there’s an occasion that calls for something this dressy. You might even add that you’re looking forward not only to wearing it but to someday passing it along to your own child, if you should have one. If you tell him all of that—with real feeling—and if you express your fear that keeping it in your dorm room is an invitation to theft, how could he doubt you?
But, that said, I’m not sure he does doubt you. Are you sure you’re not feeling guilty about not planning to go home this summer? Are you sure you’re not a little hurt that your parents are so quickly disassembling your room? And/or that you’re not seeing this as “punishment” for your having “flown the coop”? I’m not saying you should feel guilty or shouldn’t feel hurt. I’m just wondering if your feeling bad about any of this is coloring your interpretation of his reaction, especially since you haven’t offered anything specific about it—only that he seemed broken up, then unconvinced by your explanation. Just something to consider.
And one more thing, from someone who wore her grandma’s pearl and sapphire ring and dangling diamond earrings throughout high school and college with her own (faded, torn, patched) jeans and leotards and battered square-toed Fryes—and who still happily pairs high/low articles of adornment without a second thought: There isn’t a rule that says you can’t wear a dramatic statement piece of jewelry at your age! If you feel silly and self-conscious wearing it, then don’t. But don’t let anybody tell you it’s inappropriate. Wear what you want, when you want, how you want. And enjoy it.
—Michelle
