This is One Thing, a column with tips on how to live.
There are plenty of reasons to debate the utility and morality of networked doorbell cameras, like the ones made by Google (Nest), Amazon (Ring), and other companies. Are they contributing to the surveillance state in which we all now live? Are they enhancing your home security, scaring off burglars and package thieves? Are they sharing details with law enforcement against customers’ will? Are they capturing adorable video of bears? (Yes.)
But it’s indisputable that doorbell cameras are fantastic for annoying your friends whenever you stop by their houses. Since my friend Kevin got a Nest camera, I give his doorbell the finger, every time.
Popping over for a late-night drink? I give his doorbell the finger. Bringing dinner when someone’s sick? I flip that camera off. Walking their dogs because they’re out of town for the day? I introduce that camera to Uncle Izzy. Dropping off an Amazon package his wife asked me to purchase for Christmas because Kevin’s email is the one on their account? I’ve got a gift for Kevin, too, and it’s double birds!
Honestly, sometimes I’m just riding by and I realize that Kevin would probably enjoy hearing from me, so I park the bike, walk up to his front door, and let fly.
Each time I do so, of course, his phone delivers a little alert. “Someone is at your Front Door,” his phone says. I like to imagine Kevin—at work teaching seventh graders history, or on the golf course with his teens, even in bed because it’s 1:00 in the morning—picking up his phone, wondering who’s come to visit, clicking the alert, and saying, “Goddammit, Dan.” Every time!
Yes, you could consider this a small, ineffectual resistance against the corporate takeover of American private space. But really I’m just being neighborly. We all lead busy lives, and we don’t always have enough time to share our feelings with one another in person. Thanks to Kevin’s technologically advanced, networked doorbell, I can give him shit remotely, at any time of the day or night. So if you’ve got a friend with a doorbell camera, remember to give that camera the finger every time you visit. That’s what friends are for.
