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Dear Care and Feeding,
I have concerns about my boyfriend’s mother, “Mary.” She isn’t even 60 yet, but shows odd behavior that raises red flags for me. She constantly talks over other people, can’t retain basic information, tells the same stories repeatedly in the same conversation, and gets very mad if she is corrected. We went out to a place that had a lunch special: half a sandwich with soup or salad. Mary insisted she wanted both soup and salad, the waiter told her it would be extra, and when the bill came, Mary blew up because she thought she’d ordered the special. There were signs everywhere, including one on the table, and the poor waiter repeated himself three times.
Lately, Mary went on a tear because the local grocery store messed up her Christmas catering order, claiming that they gave her baked chicken when she ordered it fried.
We picked up the order. It was a pan of buffalo-style wings. The label called them “roasted wings.” No one would mix up that with baked chicken. I tried to reason with Mary and even pulled the old order out of the trash. It called for a pan of roasted wings with buffalo on the side. Mary started to yell at me! My boyfriend blames me for bugging his mother over nothing. Mary was calling the store and trying to get the name of the poor employee so she could yell at them. I am out of my depth. All my grandparents died with their minds sharp as a tact. Should I raise the issue? What do I say?
—About Mary
Dear About Mary,
It’s possible that Mary is showing signs of cognitive decline, but it may also be the case that she’s just an asshole. How long have you known her? Has she been this way the entire time? Your boyfriend’s refusal to hear your concerns may mean that he’s in denial about a change in her behavior, or it could be that she’s acted this way his whole life and he’s simply used to it. Do some research on cognitive decline and if you feel you have examples, share them with your boyfriend. Ask him if she’s always behaved in this fashion. If he acknowledges that things are changing, kindly let him know that you’re concerned and that he should encourage her to see a doctor. If this is just who she is, do your best to stay out of her way.
—Jamilah
